The Fisherman

Wake-up feel: 6.

Small headache. Wind and birds at 4:35. Exercises done — headache gone.

The path between the Bodden and the rapeseed. No sun. Heavy cloud in many shades of grey. Rapeseed yellow even without light — a cold yellow against the sky. Wind from the west. Faint scent of rapeseed at the first bend.

Birds quiet. A little chirping, nothing sustained. No swans on the Bodden.

Yesterday I told my son about the two wolves.

Black wolf: fear, anger, resentment. White wolf: love, courage, clarity. The one that wins is the one you feed. He sat on a stone wall and listened. I told him: follow your heart. I told him: I wish I could turn back the clock back 4 months.

We can't.

Later, at the station, a young woman I have known since she was four. We saw each other from a distance — both already crying before we reached each other. Hot chocolate for her, coffee for me. A stone wall outside. She talked about her plans — helping people, Seawatch when she finishes school. Her tears showed she knows what separation costs. She has been carrying it too.

On the train back I asked myself: which wolf am I feeding?

As I write this — almost every morning — Julika is waking. Having breakfast. Getting ready for school. Almost every morning I walked her to the gate and said goodbye. A hug and a kiss. By the time I finish this post she is on her way.

Then the sound of the boat.

I have heard it many times — a small motor out on the water, a fisherman checking his nets before the day begins. Heard the sound. Observed the presence. Never acknowledged him.

This morning I acknowledge him and his presence.

This morning: a man alone in the middle of the Bodden. Cold wind. Grey water. The engine carrying across the reeds.

I asked myself: does he have a family waiting when he gets home? Is that why he goes out almost every day?

I don't know his name. I know the sound of his engine.

Moon in Pisces. Leaf day. Dissolution.

"To practice peace, to make peace alive in us, is to actively cultivate understanding, love, and compassion, even in the face of misperception and conflict."
— Thich Nhat Hanh, Creating True Peace (2003)

Day 48 — Phase 7 — Word — Bladder — Onyx — Book of Job
Gut Nisdorf, Mecklenburg-Vorpommern, Baltic Coast
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