Going Back

Wake-up feel: 6.

Up at 4:05. No exercises this morning. No walk along the winding road between the Bodden and the awakening reed fields, the blooming rapeseed and the rising sun behind it. No rising sun anyway — cloud cover, rain coming.

The exercises and walk this morning is within.

Flower day. Ascending lunar node at 07. Bus at 07:31.

On the way to Müllrose today. Frankfurt (Oder). A long day.

Yesterday a letter arrived. The question I asked has been answered.

I may be going to Müllrose for the last time.

There is a woman there — the most respected elder of the clan, the wisest, the one who holds the larger family together. Fifteen years I have considered myself part of this family. I am going to pay my respects. To say goodbye.

And a letter to Julika — whom I held in my hands a few minutes after she was born. A wonder. A star was born. I always said it.

I do not know when I will see her again.

Also today: thirty-one years in Germany — fifteen of them in Müllrose. A tent in a garden at the outskirts of town. Personal belongings in a container in Frankfurt (Oder). Now no place to call home. Today I must register myself obdachlos. The German administrative word for what is true.

This is what is left.

Job sat on the ash heap. He spoke what was true. That was not the end of the story.

A page is being closed. A blank page is present.

Six places were on the table. Now five — perhaps fewer. Possibly 4. I am not naming them yet. What I am naming is what I need from wherever I land.

Seven needs — named one by one over seven days: physiological, environmental, emotional, cognitive, psychological, alignment, connection. The matrix has the answer. The body knew before the matrix.

I ask myself: is the lock still on the bridge?

Day 46 — Phase 7 — Word — Bladder — Onyx — Book of Job
Gut Nisdorf, Mecklenburg-Vorpommern, Baltic Coast
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